RumourNation: Daddy, Paul and the Krispy Kremes.

September 30, 2008

Daddy, Paul and the Krispy Kremes.

Well, we're in the middle of what is proving to be a tumultuous week for everyone -- a week that actually started some time last week, or maybe even 20 years ago. My personal starting point for the tumult was last Friday, on the eve of the Presidential candidates' debate, and it all goes back to the Krispy Kremes.

You see, I'm lucky enough to work in an office that celebrates each Friday by bringing in a stash of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Several boxes, enough for everyone, in sufficient variety so no one has to fight over the chocolate-glazeds. Heaven with a hole in the middle.

Now, I'm delighted that Californians have adopted Krispy Kremes, but even after years of consuming them, I've not met a single Left-Coaster who truly gets the tao of KK, who understands what it means to run to the store when the red light is on, to devour the soft, doughy goodness sitting at the white linoleum counter with a little glass of milk, souvenir paper cap clutched firmly in hand.

You see, that's where I spent Sunday mornings with my dad, and every time I eat a Krispy Kreme, I'm thrust right back into those childhood days.

I lost my dad to cancer when he was 58. So those trips down memory lane are both precious, and painful: little pinpricks of conscience bugging me about whether I properly said goodbye, whether I've really explained my father to the granddaughter he never knew, whether I'll ever have the chance, or the courage, to sort through my conflicted feelings about our relationship. All the stuff you feel when you lose a parent, at any age.

The funny thing about my father: when he was younger, people would meet him and say "You know, your dad kinda looks like Paul Newman." So, after those damned Krispy Kremes stirred the pot on Friday morning -- and with McCain really winding things up later in the day -- we then lost Mr. Newman on Saturday, and I've been confronted with my dad's doppelganger all week, staring out at me with the same steely blue eyes from every form of media I touch.

"Look, Mom," said my daughter, "The guy on the cookie box died." (Yes, we eat Fig Newmans at our house.) I spent Saturday in a funk, not only over the loss of an amazing, supremely gifted and preternaturally gracious man, but also over the state of our country; sad that at a time when I feel alone and unmoored, there's no father for me to call, to hear him rail about no-nothing and meddlesome Yankees in government, to ask me why I continue living with those California crazies, and to talk about nuclear power as a solution for our energy woes.

In many ways, Mr. Newman was a powerful father figure for many of us: who doesn't want a devastatingly handsome movie-star dad, who's also an adventurer, a philanthropist, and wise, to boot? For all his faults, my dad was a pretty good father figure himself. He pulled himself up from a hardscrabble existence, earned an education (including an MS in engineering, for pete's sake), and gave me both the courage of my convictions, as well as the will to get things done -- even if he sometimes got there by declining to do things for me. He never really understood me: despite having three sisters, and being married, women remained a mystery to him, to be tolerated from afar. And, given that I inherited my mother's facility with words and music--unlike my brothers, who got the math gene--I was often a truly alien presence to my dad, someone who spoke a language he didn't really understand. Nonetheless, he taught me as best as he could, in the language he did know: How to rewire lamps, how to figure out rocket trajectories, how to diagnose what was wrong with my car (which I can still do, to the amazement of my Swedish mechanics).

I'm sorry, but neither McCain nor Obama cut the mustard when it comes to father figures. McCain is too jumpy, and whiny (and yes, too short -- my dad was tall!), while Obama is too young, although there may be hope for him (pun intended). It would be nice if we had a national father figure, if Paul Newman could have hung around for a while and chatted with us about how to solve our problems, how to live with graciousness and hope.

We'll muddle through, somehow. And I'll learn to look forward to the next batch of Krispy Kremes, hoping that someday I'll be able to cherish those childhood memories, remembering a time when the world felt safe, and warm, and my dad was there to put his arms around me, and drive me home with a big box of doughnuts.

Posted at 01:28 PM in Current Affairs | Permalink

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